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It's about time that I came clean with you
I'm no longer fine, I'm no longer running smooth
I though that I found myself under something new
Just one more line I repeat over and over again
'Till I'm blue in the face with a choking regret
Because I talk in circles 'round you on my bed
Can't say I blame you one bit when you kept it all inside
When you left that night
It's about time that you got sick of me
No longer fun, and so far from interesting
I thought that I found me a cure for feeling old
Just one more line to keep me sleeping loudly and cold
In disgraced with a shameful regret
As I talk in tongues to myself in my bed
Can't say I blame you one bit when you kept it all inside
When you left that night
And all that followed fell like mercury to hell
Somehow we lost our heads for the last time
And all that followed fell like mercury to hell
Somehow we lost our heads for the last time
And I don't dream since I quit sleeping
And I haven't slept since I met you
And you can't breathe without coughing at daytime
And neither can I
So what do you say?
Your coffin, or mine?
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Hey guys. I decided to update you... This weekend was antioch. For those who don't know what it is, it is a big religious retreat where they talk to us about following God and stuff, and to be honest, I really enjoyed it. It was alot of fun. Sara was there, so that made my entire month. I would probally take a bullet for her, that's just how awesome she is. Even though shes put me through alot of shit, I still care about her so much. And I guarentee that people are going to be pissed off at me because of this entry, and the last sentance there. But coming back from religious retreats and stuff, you just feel great inside. It's hard to put into words how I feel. But now I'm going to write a essay for you guys.
What is love? That is a question that has bothered me for the longest time. How do you know if a certain someone, is that person that you will spend the rest of your life with? I honestly don't know how to answer that question. I doubt I could if I tried even harder. Is love that feeling you get inside when you care about someone so much that just seeing their face, or being near them can make the darkest day light? Maybe. I don't know. Love is a weird thing. When someone say's they love you what do you think? "Yeah, yeah, love you too." That might be the response we give to our parents, or someone that you do love, but do you really mean it when you say it? It's a scary thing to admit to yourself that you love someone. Hell, you could even break down and cry because of it. I realized today that love is a great thing, though it can be tricky. It requires attention. It's kind of like a new puppy. If you don't take care of that puppy, it's either going to die, run away, or something like that. Love is almost exactly like that if you think about it. You have to put time into making a relationship work, and not just date to get some ass. I hate people like that. I think I love someone, but, how can I be sure? How do I know that this is pure genuine love that I am feeling? The thing is, I don't know. And I don't know if I'll know when I'm older. But, I do hope one day to find out. I know some of you guys are thinking.. "Look at this pussy writing about love... Fag." Know what? I don't give a shit, if you think it's weird, don't read it. I'm not forcing you too. I am not going to project my beliefs into your mind, I'm just giving you my opinion to take into consideration. Okay drifting off topic here though. Love. By definition love is "1. A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness. 2. A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance." So is that what love really is? A deep tender, ineffable feeling of affection toward a person? I don't know exactly what love is. But, I have an idea. It's not what we feel for our favorite games, or anything materialistic. Love to me is the connection between two people that keep them close at heart. It keeps them open, and always will listen to what that person has to say, no matter what. If you are willing to die for someone, then you love them, that's what I believe. If you feel that your heart and soul belongs to one person, then that could be love. I'm not telling you this is what it is, these are just possibilities. You never know love is there, untill it slaps you in the face and you are just hungover on that one person. It's always there, you just have to be willing to let it in your heart.
Alright, so that's the first part of my essay that I am only writing for you guys. I'll finish it some other time. So at Antioch, they had this talent show, and that was awesome! I was in 3 acts. Meaning I performed diffrent things with 3 different people. Me and Joe Kerr, opened the show. Then me and another Joe played "By The Way," by The Red Hot Chili Peppers, then towards the end me and Sara did a duet of the song "I love you too," by Tokyo Rose. It was the most amazing thing in my life.
I'll try and update later...
Comments are awesome, so leave me some.
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Sunday, February 6th, 2005
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Patriots totally ownd The Eagles. So hah to all you eagles fans.
Sorry, I couldn't miss the chance to rub it in.
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Friday, February 4th, 2005
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Because I'm such a loser, I want allllll my friends to take this little quiz thing.
WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF:
I committed suicide:
I said I liked you:
I kissed you:
I lived next door to you:
I started smoking:
I stole something:
I was hospitalized:
I ran away from home:
I got into a fight and you weren't there:
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY:
Personality:
Eyes:
Face:
Hair:
Clothes:
Mannerisms:
[1] Who are you?
[2] Are we friends?
[3] When and how did we meet?
[4] How have I affected you?
[5] What do you think of me?
[6] What's the fondest memory you have of me?
[7] How long do you think we will be friends or enemies?
[8] Do you love me?
[9] Have I ever hurt you?
[10] Would you hug me?
[11] Would you kiss me?
[12] Would you fuck me?
[13] Are we close?
[14] Emotionally, what stands out?
[15] Do you wish I was cooler?
[16] On a scale of 1-10, how nice am I?
[17] Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
[18] Am I loveable?
[19] How long have you known me?
[20] Describe me in one word.
[21] What was your first impression?
[22] Do you still think that way about me now?
[23] What do you think my weakness is?
[24] Do you think I'll get married?
[25] What about me makes you happy?
[26] What about me makes you sad?
[27] What reminds you of me?
[28] What's something you would change about me?
[29] How well do you know me?
[30] Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
[31] Do you think I would kill someone?
[32] Are you going to put this on your journal and see what I say about you?
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Tuesday, February 1st, 2005
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...So, long time no update huh? Thought I might of died. Well, I'm posting, so sorry to say for some, No, I'm not dead. Ergg so many things going through my head.. I don't even know anymore. Things have become so confusing, I don't really know how to handle it to tell the blunt honest truth. I have constant headahces, and for some odd reason the only way they go away is when I play guitar, or when I listen to music. I honestly don't know anymore, everything is so confusing. And the worst part, things never get easier, unless you nderstand, and as of now, I am not understanding anything.
IE, I really wanna be with someone, but I can't due to certain circumstances.
Stuff like that...
(Deep breath)....Love... what is love? Is it what we go to when we are upset? Is it what we all need? Is it what you and I give? What is it exactly? I've about given up on love...
Grades are better... not fully grounded... semi-grounded... but not fully. I like school... and the people... I just don't like the work, but thats not going anywhere.
Times have changed since the last update... The year, for one... As well as my outlook on some things. Somethings just werent meant to be, I guess.
Well, I'll try and update more some other time, but otherwise.... yeah.
Mabee some comments? You know they make me happy!
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Tuesday, November 23rd, 2004
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Ok, it's been a while... Soo..... Um... I decided that I am going to update this thing. No matter how much you hate me, or love me, enjoy this post, because... I really don't know when the next time I'm going to update is going to be so yeah. Onwards with the post.
Things are going... good... I'm happy, things with Sara are better now. Which really does make me happy. There's something about her, in which, I really do love. Something about her presence when shes with me, makes me feel really good inside, and her smile, or just her talking to me, makes me happier as a person. Even though, she might like that other guy... I still have hope. And, hope is a good thing... I suppose. I know I'm going to get hate comments about this but, I don't care. I'm pretty sure she still does care for me, by what she tells me. I was talking to her earlier, and, for about... The past 3 or so days, I've been kinda depressed... But, now its better.
Ok, so onwards with school and other things....
School is going... well.. I do enjoy Delcastle. And... diffrent topic...
My band... oh my band.. my wonderful wonderful band... still doesn't have a bassist. Anyone intrested? If so, let me know, because... We could really use one. I'm writing lots and lots and lots of songs... So, look foward to that. Cause.. I'm cool and all. Well, I'll update when I have something intresting to talk about.
Cya.
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Sunday, November 7th, 2004
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Ok, so tonight was my cousin's 16th birthday suprise party. And it was alottttt of fun.Well, moving on, I will talk about this subject in a little while, but bear with me for now. Ok, so last night (Friday) I went to the middletown vs delcastle football game. And Sara was there, so like, I planned on hanging out with her, but.. her boyfriend/homecoming date was there with her.. Which was reallly awkward for me. But, I dunno. But,tonight, went over better. I hung out with a few of my cousins friends, 2 of them I already know. Brie, and Melissa. And it was really really cool hangin out with them. I got to slow dance with Brie, so, that made me happy... I think I might like her, but, I highly doubt that it would work out, due to, she lives in PA, while I live in DE, and she is also.. 2 or something like that.. I dunno though. But, for those who did'nt already know. Me and sara broke up.. A while ago.. But yeah, it's been a while since the last update. So I decided to inform you on my life.
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Monday, October 11th, 2004
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Long time no update eh? Everyone have fun with the comments on the last one? Well, here's the iceing on the cake to top it off for ya. Me and sara go out now :happy face: It's so awesome. And, to be blunt, I really do not care what anyone else think's, cause, I know what to believe, and what not too. I've been bullshitted, and plenty of other things, and I have learned from those mistakes. But anyways, onwards to the update!
School is going pretty well. I had C lunch, but I got switched back to B. So I'm not with Keith anymore. Which is deeply saddening, because, delcastle without keith.. is like.. Pirates of the carrabian without Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom whatever the hell his name is. But yeah. Last friday, Chase and I went up to frightland. It was kickass. Sara was there.. I did'nt see her though. She say's she said hi to me, and I could have sworn I heard my name. But, I did'nt see her then. Then, last week, we got out of school on wednsday for our kickass 4 day break. So that was cool. Then sunday, Sara came over, which was awesome to the max.
Well, untill next time my friends. Peace.
Tom
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Sunday, August 29th, 2004
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Ok, so I'm sure most have you have been wondering, "Why is'nt he updating?" Here's an answer... I don't feel like it. I mean, everynow and then, if I don't update, you can ask me too. But don't force me. Ok so here I go.
Summer is slowly coming to an end. And I am honestly, starting to enjoy it.. just not too. I start school on monday. Woo!.. not.. but, here's the update for tonight.
Ok well, I was'nt allowed to go to the ground floor tonight.. which sucked. But instead, I was allowed to go to the movies. I went with.. Domdom, Danielle, Melissa, Lauren, and Jen (not resse) But anyways, we saw alien vs. predator. Which in my opinion, was really kick ass. Lauren did'nt like it all too much though. But they wanted to see the princess diaries! Come on! Princess Diaries would of been worse... well.. for Dom and I. Due to.. it's a mega chick flick. But, anything that you want to know. Comment. And I'll get back to you.
So.. moving foward to my "love life" if you will... Ok, well for those who don't know. "KT" is Sarabeth. Shocking though.. is'nt it? But.. to be honest.. I'm kinda having feelings for her again. And if people get mad at me for it. I don't care anymore.
Ok, and now my friendships. I got Danielle and Madz pretty mad at me... well I was pretty mad at them. They kinda called Sarabeth a skank. Which really bothered me. Cause she's not. But if anyone reading this says anything about someone behind thier back, at least say it to the person you are talking about face. If you don't. That shows no backbone in you. Just a bunch of not good friend. And that you backstab. Which is'nt cool at all.
Well... You asked for an update. So there it is. Now Be Gone!
Pace..
Tom
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Wednesday, August 11th, 2004
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hello my stalker, fancy seeing you here. I decided I should address you in my journal here. How are you doing? Good? Good. Who are you? Ok, well... if I knew, I don't know if you would still be considered a stalker. But if your computer stops working for some anonyamous reason, I am not responsible at all.
Ok well heres the update. I wrote a song recently, lyrics wise is pretty good, and so is everything else about the song. I got it recorded so if you wanna hear it let me know. And I'll send it to you. Right now im listinin to Simon And Garfunkel. They are awesome to the maxamus. Werd. Well it's been long since I've given you an update on my love life. Wonderful...
Ok, so first things first, I know that "KT" (Refer to older post to know who KT is,) likes me. And I like her, and I probally will be going out with her, I just gotta ask her out. Once I do that, you will know who "KT" is. So, feel free to keep your hopes up.
And the update with all my friends, I hav'nt talked to alot of them, the only ones I ever really talk to, keep in mind these are the friends from school. The ones that I talk to now are only Dominik, Danielle, Kory, Diana, and Eric sometimes. As for my friends in general, the people I do talk to are... Kory, Domdom, Melissa, Danielle, and Diana. And those will probally end up being the only people that I can stay friends with for a long time.
Well, I'm gunna go. Pace.
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Tuesday, August 10th, 2004
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i just wanted to say that melissa is my best friend! also if you ever give out your password, make sure no one uses it agenst you like this person is to me right now. this is not tommy but i love tommy! hes so grand!
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Thursday, August 5th, 2004
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Yay! Finally I got all the sleep I needed, I just woke up ^_^
So that makes me happy. I have a mega bad sore throat right now though. But it'll go away.
So on saturday, I was supposed to either go to the movies, or go to the grange with sarabeth, but now I can't. Because I am going to New Jersey, for my cousin's graduation party, I think.
Today I have no plans, maybe I can go out tonight. Either that or maybe tomorrow night. Because all the rest of summer I don't have any plans until someone asks me to go somewhere with them.
So I'll just sit around until I can think of something to do.
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Wednesday, August 4th, 2004
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Ok, well right now it is currently 8:19 AM! grr! Once again for no apparant reason I woke up at 5 in the morning! why! why that early! Grr, I can't fall back asleep now.
Ok, well I got a few things done so far, I finished that thing that I had to do for delcastle, you know, since i had the time and all. I worked on some of my flash animations, I got 1 character done for my "Llamma In The Ghetto" story. If you want to check it out I'll put the link for the site up. Just check out all the stuff I got up there so far.
http://llamma-lord.deviantart.com
I honestly don't know what to write, right now, if i think of something better, I'll let you know.
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Tuesday, August 3rd, 2004
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Yes, yes, yes. It is I. Tommy! And let me be the first to tell you! I am once again confused! Ok so I will, tell you what I am confused about... after i tell you whats up in my life to this exact moment.
Ok so heres my plan for today, it is now 7:23 am according to my computer and i was awake at like 5 for some odd reason. Alright so now im listining to shinedown - 45, awesome song i might add ^_^ At about 3 I decided that I was going to do some thing for delcastle to see what classes I'm going to be in. Theres like 31 pages and I think im on 22 mabee? But I definately skipped the biggest part on the reading test part cause I was too lazy to do it then. So I should do that. Then tonight I'm going to Danielle's grandfathers wake to give Danielle and her family support.
Ok, so this is what you have all been waiting for... The reason I am confused is...
Where should I start now, I'll say this much. Diana told me that she liked me and I've kinda liked her for a while, but then theres this other girl, we'll call her KT for now, and I've had feelings for KT since about mabee mid 8th grade. I was talking to Sarabeth and she said that I need to find out who KT likes cause that is what is depending if I go out with diana or not. So, if you have any advice, I would appreciate it. ^_^ Oh God, it's been so long since I have actually posted something worth reading. Hah, Be glad I'm back.
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Hmm, as you see melissa has so called "hacked" my live journal. So anyways im playing my guitar and talking on the phone like i always do. Ok well ill update later.. cya
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ahha i hacked into tommys journal!! i was planning on chaning the password but im not that cruel LoL... anywho this dude doesnt update enough so i decided to write in here so ppl have something to read... lalalalalallalala im bored and idk what to write... hmmmm I LOVE DOM, I LOVE DOM, I LOVE DOM, I LOVE DOM..... ok anywhoo i guess i will be going now... enjoy tommys journal yo!!!
-meLissa- <333
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It's been to long my friends. So here is your update.
Domdom stayed here for the weekend, and that was "hella" fun as he would have said. We did so much funny stuff, it was great.
Well, right now im sitting here typing in the journal thing, and listining to Judas Priest, cause I got nothing better to do. Oh well. If you want to see all we did look at Domdoms journal under my friends. And there will be your answer.
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Ok, So i was'nt happy with my results last time i took the quiz, cause i don't want to go to hell. And sometimes, I stretch the truth, and/or lie. So here are my results, all honesty in them.
The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to Purgatory!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Take the Dante Inferno Hell Test
And.... Im going to pergatory! YAY! I will hopefully be saved :-D
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Wednesday, July 28th, 2004
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ok so i decided i was going to take some quiz today and it said what will happen to you when you die, you know, with dantes inferno and what not... well here are my results
The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Eigth Level of Hell - the Malebolge!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test
So im pretty much screwed according to this, i guess that even if you have one sin your going to hell... so pretty much the entire world is screwed...
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due to no popular request i have returned! Oh i know your delighted stop lieing to yourself.
Ok so an update on my life? Is that what you want? Then you got it.
Heres the update..... I have been up to nothing, im hoping i can see erica again.. shes awesome... but anyways, lately i have been sitting around doing nothing, like i used to do untill i got a life... but oh well.. I'm just in one of my moods right now..
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![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8){kind=small}
lostinside546's journal
thoughtful.
blank.
bored.
blah.
mellow.
curious.
geeky.
bouncy.
exhausted.